Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Deal

So apparently hostage situations are all the rage. Cool, let's play a game.

I've got that mouthy librarian's mom. You guys give me Strahm, I'll give her back safe and sound.

You guys refuse or try to punk me like you're punking that retard Redlight, she gets a free nine-millimeter lobotomy. You guys try to free her, you get to watch her die from a slashed jugular. You guys come after me, you can join her.

We could've been friends, Ava.


  1. You see.

    Judging by how quick you are to kidnap my Mentally Suffering Mother and the fact that you work with Fisk, couple that with your terrible diction, no.

    No we could never have been friends.

    Give her back.

    Or, I am loathe to say it, kill her.

    I know she'd rather die than betray such a boon to our cause.

    Then, go hide in a hole. Because I will not forget this.

  2. ooooooh hostages /are/ all the rage, aren't they? i don't get it, why do you need zekey?

  3. What the hell gave you the idea that anyone would give up Zeke for my Mother anyway?

    You really are an incompetent fuckwit.

    I swear to god, I will hunt you down and tear the eyelashes from your face.

  4. This feels worse than redlight. Maybe because it's some kind of military force. So they know how to deal with hostages. Or maybe because redlight was easy enough to trick. But I can see something good happening at the end of this.

    Speaking of which, do we even have Zeke? I was under an impression that he was dead. Or insane. Or, I don't know, something besides with one of us.

  5. Fisk's paying good money for Strahm. And knowing Strahm, he's not going to let an innocent woman get killed in his place. Especially not after that unfortunate incident with his ladylove.

    As for you, bookworm, do remember that I'm a US Government black budget operative, at least until this job's pay isn't worth the headaches. Now, let that sink in, and use that brain I'm sure you have.

    The situation's simple. Fisk wants Strahm. He's paying me to bring Strahm in. I really enjoy having money. Your ma provided a great tool to use.

    And I'm not Redlight. I can click on your name and read your blog. Keep planning, please, I've already requisitioned Theta, Sigma, and Gamma squads to intercept any terrorist activity or espionage.

  6. Look here douchebag, you can't kill my Mother.


    You're not getting Zeke.


    You are really dumb, really, really dumb. You are really, really so dumb.


    Fine. You can click on my blog?

    Read my fucking tagline, cunt-nozzle.

    You're underestimating us.

    But more importantly, you're underestimating me.

    I'll take you up on your offer, Cynthia. I don't much like this guy either.

  7. Careful. You see, I'm a hired gun. If putting a hole in your mom is what it takes to get Strahm to cut the cat and mouse horse shit, that's what it takes.

    Here's the ringer, kid. I'm good at my job. Fisk wouldn't have approached me in a run-down bar in the asscrack of Siberia if I wasn't. You really think I'd have been picked up for a black budget operation if I was just some coked-out Nam vet humping it in a third-world cesspool?

  8. "Keep planning, please, I've already requisitioned Theta, Sigma, and Gamma squads to intercept any terrorist activity or espionage."

    Gee, thanks for letting us know, idiot. You obviously don't know anything about subterfuge. Great job, asshole.

    I call bullshit on your Black Ops claim, they wouldn't be this stupid. Also, do you honestly think that we even can hand Zeke over?

    And do you even realize who you're dealing with? This is Zeke fucking Strahm. This is the guy who's been avoiding the FBI since September. Now, let that sink in, and use that brain which I'm not so sure you have.

  9. hehehehheheheheheheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    i'm excited


  10. Yes, you are.

    Fisk is an incompetent douche-nozzle too.

    Putting a hole in my Mother will only get you a visit from the Slenderman and his cronies, I assure you.

    I am crazy connected.

    And I've said yes to Cyn.

    Mouse horse?

    And what is that, exactly?

    /Your/ Mum?

  11. Scott: Would you like me to let Mommy Dearest say it on her daughter's blog? Why do you think Fisk hired Alpha through Omega squads? The FBI has legal routes they need to take. We don't. You know that nasty shit WikiLeaks keeps posting? Tip of the iceberg, mano.

    Ava: Ten PM Tonight, Eastern time. Three and a half hours, if I don't see Strahm, I'll let your mom say goodbye before my trigger finger slips.

  12. Cyn?

    I think the time is right for Him to play....

    My Mother is the single most badarse bitch over 46 there is.

    I'd like to see you /try/ and kill her.

  13. Badass or not, she's trussed up with the stuff used in military rappelling kits. Not gonna break that.

  14. No. But Cynthia's 'family' can.

    Shame. I like trading insults. It's been so long since I've been able to be openly hostile....

  15. Theta Five just reported movement in the area. Say bye to Mommy Dearest, I'll let her say her goodbyes while Gamma and Sigma squads check it out and put whoever's stupid enough to play the cowboy six feet under.

  16. countdown five four three two one ready or not here we come

  17. Delta, do you even know anything about Zeke? He's not even in MA right now.

    Hell I don't know, but wasn't he doing fieldwork in Montana or some shit?

    And Zeke doesn't care about any of us. He's doing his own thing, and can't/wont'/doesn't care if we die.

  18. that was fun. i don't think you're going to bother the players anytime soon, delty. i think you're going to play by the rules now because He wants you to have some fun too. hehehehe welcome to the family, hope i see you again soon. try not to die in the meantime.

    He's so happy right now. thank you. you made His day, i think. it makes me smile.

  19. Delta, you're an idiot. We're all opposed to the construct here. Shouldn't your efforts be more focused towards killing slimjim rather than tormenting Ava?

  20. I'd like to point out that by removing one's only bargaining chip from play, they also remove their only chance at getting what they want.

    Just sayin'.